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Top 9 archives...page 2
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SIGNS YOUR DIVE BUDDY ISN'T YOUR BUDDY
1. he does a flip into the water in full gear and says I'll see you
panzzies on the bottom
2. when you catch him/her soaking your wet suit in meat and blood
before your shark dive
3. when he shoots you in the ass with a speargun
4. when your dive buddy insists you wear a lucky pork chop and
"Ode to seal blood" perfume on your Australian shark dive
5. they only bought a six pack
6. you signal your out of air, and he/she signals cash or credit!
7. reminds you before a dive that captain morgans is only 70 proof
8. you can't find them
9. they say,' can you carry my gear?...I don't want to break a nail'
1. he does a flip into the water in full gear and says I'll see you
panzzies on the bottom
2. when you catch him/her soaking your wet suit in meat and blood
before your shark dive
3. when he shoots you in the ass with a speargun
4. when your dive buddy insists you wear a lucky pork chop and
"Ode to seal blood" perfume on your Australian shark dive
5. they only bought a six pack
6. you signal your out of air, and he/she signals cash or credit!
7. reminds you before a dive that captain morgans is only 70 proof
8. you can't find them
9. they say,' can you carry my gear?...I don't want to break a nail'
BEST SCUBA PICK-UP LINE
1. will you hold my snorkel?
2. do you dive at first sight, or should I giant stride again?
3. wanna get tanked?
4. wanna join the 30 foot low club?
5. is that a tank on your back or are you just happy to see me?
6. what's your air knob doing way down here?
7. wow... your bc is inflated!
8. wanna get narced?
9. do you go down?
1. will you hold my snorkel?
2. do you dive at first sight, or should I giant stride again?
3. wanna get tanked?
4. wanna join the 30 foot low club?
5. is that a tank on your back or are you just happy to see me?
6. what's your air knob doing way down here?
7. wow... your bc is inflated!
8. wanna get narced?
9. do you go down?
SIGNS YOU'RE ADDICTED TO SCUBA DIVING
1. attend AA for nitrogen narcosis
2. YOUR picture appears on fish tables
3. take the bus to work cause its hard to drive in flippers
4. clear your ears before taking a down escalator
5. on Halloween you bob for lobster
6. your child sucks on a regulator instead of their thumb
7. always checking your dive computer on an elevator to make
sure the ascent rate is safe
8. your cert card has a credit card strip on it
9. pajamas are now uncomfortable so you sleep in your wetsuit
1. attend AA for nitrogen narcosis
2. YOUR picture appears on fish tables
3. take the bus to work cause its hard to drive in flippers
4. clear your ears before taking a down escalator
5. on Halloween you bob for lobster
6. your child sucks on a regulator instead of their thumb
7. always checking your dive computer on an elevator to make
sure the ascent rate is safe
8. your cert card has a credit card strip on it
9. pajamas are now uncomfortable so you sleep in your wetsuit
BEST SCUBA DIVE SHOP NAME
1. diversions
2. whitey's scuba
3. walk the plank
4. niagra falls dive center
5. scuba du
6. underseas scuba
7. blue lobster
8. cageless diving
9. harry's dive shop
1. diversions
2. whitey's scuba
3. walk the plank
4. niagra falls dive center
5. scuba du
6. underseas scuba
7. blue lobster
8. cageless diving
9. harry's dive shop
BEST USE FOR A FIN OTHER THAN SCUBA DIVING
1. spankin' ass (lots of votes!)
2. a mailbox flag
3. for serving sushi
4. flyswatter
5. pancake flipper
6. scooby-doo ears for your halloween costume
7. dry your toenail polish
8. to fan the captain
9. a beer bong
1. spankin' ass (lots of votes!)
2. a mailbox flag
3. for serving sushi
4. flyswatter
5. pancake flipper
6. scooby-doo ears for your halloween costume
7. dry your toenail polish
8. to fan the captain
9. a beer bong
BEST SCUBA FOREPLAY
(the best BS before a dive)
1. 'the mermaids finally got a stripper pole'
2. 'there's NO talking down there'
3. 'neptune can fork ya'
4. 'it's 200 vis down there!'
5. 'do you have captain in ya?'
6. lube your regulator
7. putting on the appropriate rubber/neoprene "protection" for
the environment that you will be entering
8. put on some lobster scented aftershave
9. 'atlantis has your suite ready'
(the best BS before a dive)
1. 'the mermaids finally got a stripper pole'
2. 'there's NO talking down there'
3. 'neptune can fork ya'
4. 'it's 200 vis down there!'
5. 'do you have captain in ya?'
6. lube your regulator
7. putting on the appropriate rubber/neoprene "protection" for
the environment that you will be entering
8. put on some lobster scented aftershave
9. 'atlantis has your suite ready'
BEST PRE-DIVE SONG
1. pirate looks at forty - jimmy buffett
2. land down under - men at work
3. pina coladas - rupert holmes
4. all right now - the free
5. bad fish - sublime
6. yellow submarine - the beatles
7. rock lobster - b52's
8. tiny bubbles - don ho
9. holy diver - dio
1. pirate looks at forty - jimmy buffett
2. land down under - men at work
3. pina coladas - rupert holmes
4. all right now - the free
5. bad fish - sublime
6. yellow submarine - the beatles
7. rock lobster - b52's
8. tiny bubbles - don ho
9. holy diver - dio
BEST LAND VEHICLE
(how do you move your gear to the beach or the boat?)
1. 1970 type 181 vw thing (hey, it floats)
2. 1994 2 door full size blazer
3. 1967 vw bus split 13
4. 1947 ford woody
5. jeep wrangler
6. chevy avalanche
7. 1973 triumph motorcycle with side car
8. dune buggy
9. chevy trailblazer 4 x 4
(how do you move your gear to the beach or the boat?)
1. 1970 type 181 vw thing (hey, it floats)
2. 1994 2 door full size blazer
3. 1967 vw bus split 13
4. 1947 ford woody
5. jeep wrangler
6. chevy avalanche
7. 1973 triumph motorcycle with side car
8. dune buggy
9. chevy trailblazer 4 x 4
Top 9 BadDivers' lists
BEST EQUATOR DESTINATION
(hey, it was winter...we needed to go south...near the equator)
1. puerto galera, philippines
2. roatan, honduras
3. ambergris caye, belize
4. sharm el sheikh, red sea
5. sabah, malaysia
6. galapagos islands
7. similan islands, thailand
8. bora bora, french polynesia
9. west coast, barbados
(hey, it was winter...we needed to go south...near the equator)
1. puerto galera, philippines
2. roatan, honduras
3. ambergris caye, belize
4. sharm el sheikh, red sea
5. sabah, malaysia
6. galapagos islands
7. similan islands, thailand
8. bora bora, french polynesia
9. west coast, barbados
THIS DECADE I WILL DIVE__________.
(fill in the blank)
1. into your shorts
2. with tiger woods
3. the pool at the playboy mansion
4. in quicksand
5. with shakira
6. the red sea
7. the USS Oriskany
8. with nemo
9. with michael phelps
(fill in the blank)
1. into your shorts
2. with tiger woods
3. the pool at the playboy mansion
4. in quicksand
5. with shakira
6. the red sea
7. the USS Oriskany
8. with nemo
9. with michael phelps
THINGS YOU DON'T LOVE ABOUT SCUBA DIVING
1. your dive buddy is a GOOD diver
2. breaks the bank
3. accidental #2 in your wetsuit
4. getting wet
5. women can't REALLY go topless
6. time limit
7. nothing
8. wetsuit application & removal
9. vomiting on the boat... do it underwater through your reg
and attract the fish!
1. your dive buddy is a GOOD diver
2. breaks the bank
3. accidental #2 in your wetsuit
4. getting wet
5. women can't REALLY go topless
6. time limit
7. nothing
8. wetsuit application & removal
9. vomiting on the boat... do it underwater through your reg
and attract the fish!
SCUBA WINTER OLYMPIC EVENT
(if scuba diving were in the Olympics)
1. the male gear swap....ah who cares...we're all watching
the female gear swap
2. icicle snorkel shooting
3. tank racing on ice (just straddle and open the air valve)
4. snowball fin fling
5. the one man bulge...who can hold the most water in
their wetsuit upon surfacing
6. the line slice...who can free themselves from 100 feet
of twisted fishing line the quickest
7. don your dry suit race
8. orca riding
9. underwater hockey, of course
(if scuba diving were in the Olympics)
1. the male gear swap....ah who cares...we're all watching
the female gear swap
2. icicle snorkel shooting
3. tank racing on ice (just straddle and open the air valve)
4. snowball fin fling
5. the one man bulge...who can hold the most water in
their wetsuit upon surfacing
6. the line slice...who can free themselves from 100 feet
of twisted fishing line the quickest
7. don your dry suit race
8. orca riding
9. underwater hockey, of course
BEST SCUBA PRANK
1. pour tequila in your buddy's regulator/snorkel
2. pay topless mermaid to swim through an open water class
3. have friend make out with you during cpr demonstration
4. fill tank with helium
5. secretly tape a magnet near buddy's compass
6. when you see a shark, stab your buddy then swim like hell
7. pushing the shoulder vent button on your drysuit while
standing next to your buddy after passing gas in it
8. put itching powder in dive skin
9. place a 'bite here' sign on the back of buddy's tank
1. pour tequila in your buddy's regulator/snorkel
2. pay topless mermaid to swim through an open water class
3. have friend make out with you during cpr demonstration
4. fill tank with helium
5. secretly tape a magnet near buddy's compass
6. when you see a shark, stab your buddy then swim like hell
7. pushing the shoulder vent button on your drysuit while
standing next to your buddy after passing gas in it
8. put itching powder in dive skin
9. place a 'bite here' sign on the back of buddy's tank
REASONS MOMS SHOULD SCUBA DIVE
1. they automatically become a GLM (good lookin' mom)
2. she deserves it!
3. relieves boob strain
4. 'you want dinner?... hand me a spear gun!'
5. can't hear the kids
6. there are no kitchens down there
7. soccer mom this!
8. no baby bottles...only beer bottles are allowed on the boat
9. my turn to pee in my clothes
1. they automatically become a GLM (good lookin' mom)
2. she deserves it!
3. relieves boob strain
4. 'you want dinner?... hand me a spear gun!'
5. can't hear the kids
6. there are no kitchens down there
7. soccer mom this!
8. no baby bottles...only beer bottles are allowed on the boat
9. my turn to pee in my clothes